When my brother invited me to take a holiday with him in Thailand, I jumped at the chance. I know he wanted to go there to get jumped - it being the sex capital of the world; I just wanted to spend some time on the beautiful beaches. No fucky-fucky for me. Little did I know that I would end up fucking my way out of a fine.

Out one night, my brother spotted a live sex show and I wasn’t in the mod for another coke guzzling, ping-pong ball popping "vagina’s" session. You have seen one, and you have seen them all.

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We went our separate ways, agreeing to meet at the hotel later, and I found a nice quite bar and settled down to meet some locals. Needing to smoke, I went outside and stood on the pavement, there was a cop across the road and his eyes met mine, so we cordially greeted one-another.

Glanced exchanges went back and forth across the street, there was a bit of chemistry here, but sadly my cigarette was finished, so I killed it on the pavement and went to go back inside the bar. Then I felt someone gently take the inside of my arm and I turned around.

When I turned I realized it was the policeman from across the road and he was asking me to accompany him. "Why?" I asked, so he said that he was going to fine me because I had broken the law.

Images of a Thai prison flashed across my mind and then, I thought to ask what was the reason for the fine? "For dropping your cigarette, it is a 0 fine." Oh god, this was about all my spending money, how could I get out of this? I charmed him.

The last thing I wanted to do was land up in a Thai prison, and I said, that I didn’t know I was breaking the law - he explain this was not a good enough excuse. When in Rome, do as the Romans. I asked how I could avoid getting the fine.

So this was how I found myself in a police car, fucking with a Thai cop, illegally on Phuket Beach, and actually having a really good time. Hell this was worth every cent of the 0, and I now wouldn’t have to pay it. In fact the whole thing went down so well that he asked me out the next night.

To say that I was actually fucking my way out of a 0 fine, I was having a pretty good time. It must have been all the risks we were taking that got my endorphins kicking in all over the place. He enjoyed me so much he asked me for a real date the following night, and you know what, we still e-mail each other. Who knows, perhaps one day I will retire to Thailand.

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